6 ways to deepen your Passover peace and presence

It’s hard not to feel a sense of dread hanging over Passover this year.

How does one celebrate Passover with the shadow of the Oct. 7, 2023 attacks hanging over everyone?

How does one honor Passover while a war rages between Israel and Hamas?

How does a family gather and not talk about the attack and the response, or even harder, to talk about it?

How does one continue with the standard rituals, traditions and music when the war and latest attack by Iran is rocking the globe, along with antisemitism raging across the world?

Passover starts before sundown on April 22, and ends after nightfall on April 30. Whether we like it or not, Passover won’t be the same, not since the brutal murders on Oct. 7, 2023, that left 1,200 dead, the biggest loss of life in a single day since Israel was founded in 1948.

Then there’s the ensuing war that has left more than 33,000 Palestinians dead and many more suffering and starving.

Passover is a holiday centered on traditions and on family. For many, that family stretches into Israel. The menu might be the same and the seder table setting might look identical, but the conversation this year won’t be like anything before.

Do you talk about the current situation or stay silent? Do you agree to disagree? Do you encourage vibrant discussions?

It’s a painful time to gather, but an important one, especially when so many are so deeply moved. Pain needs an exit ramp. Guests might want to share political perspectives on Israel and Gaza and weigh in on what happened and on what should happen next.

Here are a few options to deepen the experience:

1. W.A.I.T. Before talking, check in with yourself. Listen to learn – not just to hear yourself speak. A dear friend reminds herself often to W.A.I.T. To ask, “Why Am I Talking?”

Why are you talking? To convince someone else of your opinion? To prove you’re right? To fill awkward silences? To challenge everyone who thinks differently? To trump everyone with your wealth of knowledge? To change every mind around the table?

2. Instead of being right, be curious. Ask questions that you don’t know the answer to. You learn more when you’re listening than when you’re talking.

3. Hit the pause button when needed. Take a breather. Get some air. Remember that hurt people hurt people. Many have been traumatized by the Oct. 7 attacks and the aftermath in ways different than you have. Not everyone is on the right or left politically. Many people feel caught in a middle and just want a lasting peace for all. Peace starts within, so pause often to get centered.

4. Use two matzahs. Since matzah represents the brokenness in us all, columnist Jay Michaelson wrote for The Forward “One elegantly simple suggestion comes from my friend Rabbi Elie Kaunfer: Use two matzahs instead of three. ‘At the meal which begins with eating matzah, instead of abundance we will feel absence,’ Elie writes. This simple gesture doesn’t dictate a specific meaning; as Elie writes, you can focus your attention on the hostages, or the civilians in Gaza, or the entire calamity. The point is to observe that this year really is different from other years.”

5. Ask new questions. Instead of just asking the standard four traditional questions centering on the food, ask four questions that challenge the hearts, minds and spiritual growth of all those present:

What would a brave response to this war look like? What is the most compassionate human response we can offer? How has your faith been strengthened or weakened since Oct. 7? What can we personally do to promote a lasting peace in Israel and beyond?

6. Set out a chair of hope. A friend of mine plans to set out a chair of hope. In Tel Aviv, the families of the hostages in Gaza set up a massive Shabbat dinner table in October, and set out challah, wine, candles, place settings and 203 empty chairs to represent all those then held by Hamas terrorists.

Why not make the chair of hope a Passover tradition? Leave an empty chair, not for Elijah, but for silent reflection. Leave an empty chair to remember those killed on Oct. 7, 2023. Leave an empty chair for the 130 hostages who remain in captivity. Leave an empty chair for the thousands of innocent children in Gaza and in Israel caught up in a war not of their making.

Passover isn’t just about recalling a history lesson. Not this year. Current events created a new story of bondage and freedom, one that isn’t over.

One we hope will end in a new sense of freedom and peace for all.