“So you’re zipping along in life, then BAM!
Life throws you a curveball, pulls the rug out from under you or shoves you off a cliff. It could be a diagnosis, a divorce or the death of a loved one you can’t imagine living without. We’ve all been there. You are not alone.”
Life’s Little Detours
It’s easy to get lost on those detours.
Together, we find our way forward. That’s where we get our strength, from each other. Maybe it’s time to build a bigger “we.”
I’ve found myself on many of life’s detours, and in three decades as a journalist have interviewed hundreds who have navigated far more difficult detours than I ever faced. No matter what you are going through, I hope what you find here will help you feel less alone and take the next right step to find a new freedom, a new strength and a new happiness, the kind that no detour can diminish.
Photo b y Katie Montague Malone
Here are some of my detours and the lessons and gifts they gave me:
1956 - That little girl with the side ponytail never quite felt a mother’s love. They named me Regina Maria, Latin for Queen Mary. It took ages to learn this vital lesson:
→ You were born worthy.
It wasn’t a family, it was a litter. I’m the last on the left, the fifth of 11. My 10 sibs are my true BFFs.
→ Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
I became a rescuer at an early age, changing diapers and feeding babies.
→ Adjust your own oxygen mask before helping others or you’ll be of no use to anyone – including you.
We lived our entire childhoods on Sycamore Street in Ravenna, Ohio, with railroad tracks, three factories and an electric substation for neighbors.
→ Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
1970 – Precious me before I discovered the great pain reliever, alcohol. I never went to a prom or homecoming dance, just parties and bars.
→ Aim higher.
I quickly fell from the Dean’s list at Kent State University to academic probation. Thank goodness KSU had an academic forgiveness policy.
→ Even the mistakes belong.
1977 – I got pregnant and dropped out of college. I was an unwed mother at 21, living with my parents. It felt like the end of my life. It was the beginning.
→ Believe in miracles.
With the help of a God who loves me, I took my last drink on July 18, 1981.
→ You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
1983 - I didn’t believe in me until the man I believed in cheated on me. I ended our engagement and went back to college.
→ No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
I was a single mom for 18 years. We had more fun than any mom and daughter should. Still do.
→ Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
To pay the rent, I took any job that would pay better than the last one. I even picked up bodies for a funeral home.
→ Every job is as magical as you make it.
Writing saved me. I got my first diary in 5th grade and never stopped writing.
→ A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
Writing finally paid the rent. The Beacon Journal hired me even though I blew the interview and thought Martin Marietta was just a guy named Marty, not a defense corporation.
→ Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
If you don’t deal with the past, you’ll keep dating it. I finally did the hard work of intense counseling to heal from my childhood.
→ Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
Retreats, sacred reading and daily meditation helped me find the God of my Joy.
→ God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
1996 – I was a single parent working full time and somehow completed a master’s degree in Religious Studies at John Carroll University.
→ No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
He asked, I said yes. I married Bruce Hennes when I was 40. He came with two wonderful sons. We spent our honeymoon in Israel.
→ If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
1998 - I got diagnosed with breast cancer at 41. Ever since, everything is a “get to.” I don’t “have to” do anything, I get to.
→ Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
1999 - My dad supported 11 kids by working on furnaces and roofs. Before he died at 83 of lung cancer from breathing in asbestos, I was finally able to love him, as is.
→ Forgive everyone everything.
2000 - I joined Ohio’s largest newspaper as a columnist. I was a finalist twice for the Pulitzer Prize in commentary.
→ It’s not about what you can do, but what God can do through you.
2001 - I inherited the BRCA1 gene so I had a double mastectomy with no reconstruction. I am flat and fearless.
→ Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
2005 - I lived to fluff my daughter’s veil.
Regina: 1
Cancer: 0
→ Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
My editor hated my life lessons column. Run it anyway, I insisted. My 50 Life Lessons is the most popular column I’ve ever written.
→ When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
Now I know how much God really loves me. To the moon and back, just like I love my three grandkids.
→ The best is yet to come.
My first book made the New York Times bestseller list three weeks in a row in 2010. God Never Blinks. No, God doesn’t.
→ Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
Hoda Kotb invited me on “Today” to talk about lessons from my second book, Be the Miracle. Thanks, Hoda!
→ Dream big.
I finally got to share how all those detours led me to you.
→ Find your grail. Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire.
My first book is in 24 languages, but no one loves me like Poland. I feel like a rock star there and love them like family.
→ Instead of trying to be the best in the world, be the best for the world.
I hosted a weekly radio show for six years on two different NPR affiliates.
→ Overprepare, then go with the flow.
The Cleveland Jewish News gave me a column even though I’m not Jewish. Inspiration has no religion.
→ Expand your comfort zone to make others more comfortable.
2016 - Alzheimer’s challenged my complicated relationship with my mom. Caring for her opened up a new way to love. This is the last time I saw her. She died nine hours later.
→ All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
2020 - For two years I had a podcast called Little Detours with Regina Brett so we could all share what we learned along the way.
→ God is still speaking.
I’m grateful for every single detour life gave me. I absolutely love my life and everyone in it.
→ The secret of life is no secret. It’s sprinkled all over your life.