Make Best Friends with You

Your best friend is you.

If that’s true, what kind of friend are you?

Or are you more like a frenemy to yourself? 

Usually our worst enemy is staring at us in the mirror disguised as us.

Some of the meanest things said about me come from me. Oh, the names I have silently called myself. Idiot. Jerk. Stupid.

The harsh criticisms I have given myself. Can’t you do anything right? What a screw up. Then there are those nasty words I don’t want to see in print. I used to be my own worst enemy.

I thought about those words when I got this email from Victoria in Poland, who offered this tip: “Talk to yourself. You probably do not know that your best friend is you.” 

The only person you are stuck with for life is you. Better become good friends, and fast. 

It took me years to both like and love me. At my core, I never believed I was enough. 

In my dad’s worst moments, when he used to rage and scream, he often said terrible things like, “You dumb ass. What the hell’s wrong with you? Can’t you do anything right?” My guess is he was called those things and worse as a child.

Long after he died, I was still saying those things to myself. Over the years I stopped the name calling and replaced it. I now use kind nicknames for myself and treat myself like I would someone I love.

Now when I make a mistake, my instant thought is no longer, “You jerk. How stupid.” Instead, I instantly pat my heart and say, “It’s okay, honey.” Sounds silly, but the sweetness of my own words is making me more compassionate to myself and to others. 

Most of us wouldn’t talk to our spouse, children or grandchildren the way we talk to ourselves. We love them too much to do that. 

Maybe it’s time to love ourselves that much.