Make the Season of Giving a season of giving up

It’s that time of year: The season of giving.

            Why not make it the season of giving up?

It’s free and it will bless the lives of others more than anything you can buy, wrap or stuff in a stocking.

            Here’s a selection of free gifts to choose from:  

Give up a grudge.

            Free that person or that list of people that you have resented all your life. When you do, you free yourself and them forever. Don’t do it for them if you can’t. Do it for you and for all those people tired of listening to how they did you wrong.

Give up the car keys.

            If you’re of a “certain age” and your adult children have had “the talk” with you about your inability to drive as well as you used to, surrender the car keys and the car. You will give them the gift of peace of mind.

            Use Uber, Lyft, your kids or the neighbors. Instacart can deliver your groceries.  Grubhub, DoorDash or Uber Eats can deliver meals. It’s never been easier to live without a car.

Give up smoking.

            Give yourself a better chance to prevent cancer. Add precious days and hours and moments with your loved ones.

            Give up vaping, too. It’s gross. Your lungs deserve better. If you need help, contact the American Lung Association.

Give up drinking.

            If alcohol is causing you problems, the problem is alcohol. Free help is available at every meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. You only need to quit for today, one day at a time.

Give up other people’s opinions of you.

            What a great gift to give yourself. As a columnist since 1994, I’ve been a target of slurs and hate and all sorts of slime from imperfect strangers. Bless them all. Better they take it out on me than their children, pets or spouse. Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. How freeing.

Give up comparing.

            Teddy Roosevelt was right. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram offer so many stellar photos of breads to bake, meals to master and vacations to enjoy. Nothing I’ve tried looks as good as theirs. You do you. Let them do them.

Give up old stories with victims and villains.

            Set the hostages in your life free. Tell a new story where no one is a victim or villain. We’re all just wounded people doing the best we can with what we have. Grant them the same forgiveness you would want for someone you love.

Give up being right.

            You can be right or be happy. Choose happy. This especially applies to loving spouses and teenagers. You say yes, they say no. You say black, they say white. Try my daughter’s technique. Simply say, “I love you too much to argue with you.”

Give up your phone while driving.

            No texting or checking email or Facebook, even at a stoplight. No checking just for a second. No hitting Google Maps once the car is in motion. Pull over if you’re lost and need to recalibrate. It only takes a second to take a life and change yours and their family’s forever.

            Give up being late.

            If you’re one of those chronically late people, stop it. It’s not funny letting other people down. They worry. They feel hurt. They feel disrespected. As Don Miguel Ruiz wrote, “Be impeccable with your word.” And your ETA.

            Arrive early. Give yourself extra time. Cut out that extra stress in your life. Give yourself space to pause and collect yourself so you can be your best self.

            Give up being sedentary.

            Sitting is the new smoking. Sitting at your desk, your TV, your computer. Get up every hour and stretch. Do five minutes of cardio. Your heart will thank you by adding years to your life.

            Give up the way it’s always been done.

            Life is change. Some traditions are made to be broken, retired or remembered but not repeated. Ask yourself and others: Is doing this a joy or a burden?

Give up being so hard on yourself.

            No more flogging. Treat yourself the way you would someone you love. I try to pretend I’m my own grandchild. I love those three kids to the moon and back. I’m still working on loving me to the kitchen and back.

            Aim to love others as they are, not as you want them to be, including you.

            And if you fail at any of the above, give yourself the gift of a clean slate and start over.